This is the True Life Story of Medicinal Michael â€“ â€œThe Luckiest Guy in the World.â€
Four days after we were wed, my wife surprised me with a Hollywood honeymoon. Little did I know that this trip would be the start of my comedy career.Â I loved the color of my wifeâ€™s eyes and I remember thinking that they looked like a catâ€™s eye marble. I could stare into her eyes for days. She told me before we left, â€œMichael, I have a big surprise for you, weâ€™re going to Hollywood!â€ I was as excited as a 16-year-old at a coed slumber party. I couldnâ€™t believe it! I had wanted to visit Hollywood my whole life, especially because I had never traveled farther than my hometown of Vegas. I am the luckiest guy in the world.
I packed my bags highly anticipating a great vacation/honeymoon to the city of entertainment. I could only dream of walking the walk of fame holding hands with my new wife. When we arrived in the glorious city, a limousine chauffer was standing at the airport with a sign that had the name â€œBorisâ€ on it. â€œThis couldnâ€™t be for us?â€ I thought. I walked up to the man as my wife smiled at the joy I was feeling. I knew that she had this trip all worked out and was overwhelmed with happiness. This hadnâ€™t been my first time in a limo (because I used to be a chauffeur), but I never had the luxury of being driven around in the back of one, not to mention the accessibility of delicious complimentary champagne. We were immediately whisked off to our hotel, which was right on the Sunset strip. The thought of how this trip was being compensated for, when we live in a single wide trailer with tin foil wrapped windows, had never even crossed my mind. I am the luckiest man in the world.
Our limo pulled up to the hotel. We finished our champagnes and the door was opened for us. I tipped the driver and headed in, bags in tow, to start our dream vacation. I have never done any hard drugs in my life, but I believe the euphoric high I felt while walking into this ritzy place must have been a lot like a trip to OZ. The golden window panes and frames immediately caught my eye. There was a giant fish tank behind the reception area; there must have been two hundred gallons of water with every fish you could imagine. I even think there was a shark. â€œI loved this placeâ€ is a thought that continuously crossed my mind. We were given our room key and the bellhop escorted us to our chateau. It was late now. My wife put her hand to my cheek, pulled me close, and kissed it lightly. She said, â€œI want you to remember how happy you are right this second, and I want you to hold onto this moment forever. Tomorrow is going to be a big day.â€ I am the luckiest man in the world.
Morning came and a ray of sunlight broke through the window, birds chirping, signifying the symphony of this beautiful day. Today was the first day of the rest of my life and I was ready for it. I walked out of the hotel with the freshest, cleanest, and most fabulous feeling Iâ€™ve ever felt in my life. The breakfast was fit for a king and queen. A weird thing I noticed was that here, once again, in front of the hotel door was the same limousine. â€œNo way could she haveâ€¦. She did! I get to ride in a limo again!â€ I thought to myself. Unfortunately, this time the driver didnâ€™t appear to be in the greatest mood, as he seemed to be in a rush. We got in the limo, which didnâ€™t have champagne this time, and it smelled a little funnyâ€¦I am the luckiest guy in the world?
Here we are now in Hollywood. We pulled up toâ€¦OMG! I couldnâ€™t believe it, a real life television studio! â€œNo Way!â€ I thought. â€œI am going to get to see a real life television show being filmed.â€ She knew that I always wanted to be an entertainer and this was a fantasy gift for me. I was so excited that there were tears welling up in my eye. I said to her, â€œI will never forget this day for as long as I live.â€ She placed her hand, once again, lovingly on my cheek. She bent foreword and kissed it softly saying, â€œI know.â€Â I am the luckiest guy in the world!
We walked into NBC studios with the curiosity of school children on their first day. I looked over to the walls in the big hallway and saw a sign for a new television series coming out called â€œTwo and a Half Menâ€, starring Charlie Sheen. I couldnâ€™t contain my excitement for this upcoming series. We were merging with a big group of people who were filing through a door that led to tiers of chairs. I realize that I am going to be an audience member. The lady filing us in was very insistent on us sitting in the very front row. â€œBest seats in the house,â€ I thought. I am the luckiest guy in the world.
The applause sign exploded and the audience responded with a loud cheer. All of a sudden I heard, â€œMr. and Mrs. Boris to the stage. Mr. and Mrs. Boris to the stage,â€ My body shook in adrenaline. â€œI am in Hollywood for one day and they know me by name!â€ was all I could think as I raced to the stage holding my wifeâ€™s hand. My mind reflects back to all of the shows where newlyweds get these fantastic trips and vacations. I couldnâ€™t wait to see what was awaiting me on stage. A dapper looking black man, Larry Elder, walked out and I realized that I was appearing on his show. After greeting us, he immediately looked at my wife and said, â€œMrs. Boris is there anything you want to tell Michael?â€ She turned her head ever so slow. Her skin looked hazy like a peach in the right light. I looked out at the crowd of at least two hundred, trying to anticipate her next words. She looked me straight in the eye, sighed, and said, â€œMichaelâ€¦ Iâ€™ve been having an affair with my sisterâ€™s ex-girlfriend for the last 18 months, and Iâ€™ve been sleeping with the best man of our marriage for two weeks now.â€ Old Larry looked at me and said, â€œWell what do you think Michael?â€Â How would anyone respond to this? I chuckled a little, shrugged my shoulders at him, and decided to become a comedian. A week later, I decided to get a divorce, and great news! I won the trailer. I am the luckiest guy in the world!